Actually...a lot has changed right now...which is sort of weird, very weird...Quite funny, i always start thinking and writing in English when i'm confused^^' In my opinion English is the better language to express feelings...I don't feel like i'm close to any of my friends anymore...when i look back about 2 years ago everything was good...i got on with my friends like a house on fire...but it has not been the same lately and i can't even tell what happened. My so-called best friend has changed in some ways and i can't even tell how. She's with her new boyfriend now and some girl from her Tabletennis-Team and we don't even talk much, better to say we have no topic...(I have been in a sports-school for the last 3 days and my run of bad luck started once again...i got ill, had fever and as a consequenze i had to stay in bed...worst of all i didn't really feel like anyone really cared...except my room-mate, but she was ill as well^^' and that f***ing hurt...it seemd like they were all like as long they have there fun it's good so we better blog out anyone who could 'ruin' it...)the same goes for my oldest friend. I've known her since primary school and we used to be so similar in many ways and had always something to talk about. She was behaving all strange...i can't even tell what happened...she didn't talk much and always seemed to be in a bad mood and i have been the one to give a life-sign lately not her...and somehow i got mad at her...i hate the way she's behaving right now. What's it all about anyway? Why can't she just tell what the f***ing matter is? I'm sick of asking everyone what's happening...if there's anything they want to tell me they should just go and tell me...i won't ask anyone anymore...i'm so fed up...And there is this one story that really mad me angry...i won't tell right now...it doesn't matter anymore, but that was just no style...like i'm just good enough for that? Is it that way?
I feel like it is time that we have all to sit together once again and f***ing talk...
It's all freaking me out right now...i don't really feel like i belong here anymore...my friends seem like strangers to me and i don't feel good when i'm around them at the moment...but shouldn't friends make you feel good? And somehow i could never really tell anyone what bothered me...but why can't i?
Maybe it's all my fault? I'm just not happy with the life i lead right now...i want it to be different
I feel so disconnected...
I wish i could turn back time...but i can't...so it seems like i'll have to deal with that shit and face it...
The following songtext fits me most right now...
~Cloe
Disconnected
Sleeping awake and awake when I'm sleeping
I've got a dry kinda thirst when drenched
On sunny days all I can see is the shadow
And I'm not above being under
And I'm at the brink though I know that I'm empty
And I always hide when its my turn to seek
My only believe is not to have faith in believing
Before I begin I'm over
[chorus]
(Disconnected)
Broken off again
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
(Disconnected)
Numb in the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected
Quietly loud while I'm noisily silent
Keep holding my breath when I'm trying to breathe
Swimming against all of my waves and the rapids
I only win when I'm losing
[Chorus]
I just wanna live my life sedated
Cuz I love driving myself away
Disfunctionally sane don't give a damn
I cant comprehend what I understand
Disconnected
Numb in the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected
Broken off again
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
Numb in the pain again I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected