On my knees

On my knees

On my knees
 

Narrow clouds of smoke make their way up to the ceiling, but they never reach it. It is the same as in real life, they will fade away, before they reach their goal. Die before they achieve perfection. Perfect... what does that mean anyway? In her case probably to eliminate all undead on this earth and produce a heir. Production... it wouldn't be anything else, she asked her self in any case, if she would be able to love. She knew what it was like to be lonely, but to love?
 

She looked at the portrait of her dead father, slowly stood up and moved towards the portrait. By standing in front of it, she behold the dead, in oil painted effigy of her beloved father.
 

"Lonelyness father, do you know what it's like to live in total lonelyness? When there are thousands of people around you and you still have that eroding feeling of lonelyness deep inside of you? This feeling, that threatens to asphyxiate you, no matter how hard you try to defend yourself, how loud you scream and shout, how hard you struggle, it won't let you go."
 

With silent steps she betook herself to the windowwall of her office. Basically she was a living undead. Ruled by lonelyness, not able to feel anything else. That thought let her laugh instinctively.

If he was lonely, too? He has been alone for centurys now, at least that is what she guessed.
 

Slowly she turned her back to the window and let herself slide to the floor. Huddling, she weigh her possibilities out. The advantages and disadvantages of what she could do. And she made a decision.
 

She got up and light-footed got back to the portrait of her father.
 

-*- I can fall down on my knees and apologize to you, but that's not my style.-*-
 

"I apologize for disappointing you, father, but I have made my decision. Why shouldn't I be immortal, when my feelings turned to cold long time ago. "
 

Two red-glowing eyes appeared behind her, " Do you really think being undead bring a lack of feelings with it?". His voice seemed to echo from everywhere, still it did not spark off more than a small shudder, which ran over her back.
 

Silent, she turned around and walked towards him. Light, she layed her hand on his breast and looked at him.
 

Withour her needing to ask he answered " My body is dead, still I have feelings." He took her hand and and indicated her to shut her eyes.
 

Sequences of his life went through her mind. For every scene she saw she was able to feel what he must have felt that time. Sadness, fear, extacy.
 

"You see, even if you were undead you would still have to fight emotions."
 

She sighed and placed her head on his breast. "Please make it stop, I can not take it anymore. This emptiness inside of me... it's overwhelming me."
 

And he did something, that seemed to be the only right thing in this situation, he hugged her. Gave her physical and mental protection.
 

"Alucard, are you lonely?"
 

He answered without needing to think a lot about it "No, since 10 years I am not lonely anymore. That was when I found a being, that is coequal for me, that I respect and adore."
 

Her innocent, ice-blue view met his garnet-red.
 

~*~*~end-chapter one~*~*

A gothic romance

Chapter Two - A gothic romance
 

Now, this is the first part of this story I wrote on my own. Since "On My Knees" Is some kind of minimal songfic, I have decided to name this chapter after a song, too: "A Gothic Romance(Red Roses For The Devils Whore)"-by Cradle Of Filth. I love that song and it's really bad I can't find it anywhere online... I do not know why I called this chapter A gothic romance and I'll see if it fits the chapter or if it doesn't fit it.
 

Anyway: This is my very first fan fiction, so please do not blame me! O.O I am not very good at this...*gomen nasai*

None of the characters are mine(too bad, that is...) and the story is...well...from this point mine, ah, who cares...
 

Warning: Very OOC!!!
 

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The moon looked like a diamond on black velvet with some smaller diamonds gathered around it. It was a clear and beautyful night, not made to be wasted. She had to do something, she was not able to work, the happenings from last night did not want to get out of her mind again, is he here? Is he watching me? Did he really mean what he said yesterday? -These thoughts just did not allow her to work. She was not able to conzentrate, so she shut the notebook on her desk and stood up.
 

The moonlight was reflected by her white-blonde hair as she turned to take a look out of the window.
 

He watched her, he watched every step she made, every breath she took. If she would find out he always watched her, and that really IS always, she would tear his head of. But he still did, he couldn't stop adoring her.
 

Integra felt his presence, she knew he was near, it was this odd feeling she got everytime he observed her and that was very, very often.
 

-*-A jewel, more radiant than the moon, lowered her mask to me.-*-
 

"Do you love me? Do you long for me?," a voice from nowhere asked. "Or am I only something you use for your advatages to you?"
 

No answer. She was a bit surprised and asked herself where that came from when he answered "Oh, I just wanted to be sure because of what happened yesterday evening..." Again no answer, she did not know herself what happened yesterday, while thinking about the day before, her idea to get turned came back to her mind, wasn't that the cause of them being together last night?
 

-*-From grace I fell in love with her-*-
 

That can not have been, why would she have such a - in her eyes - stupid idea? Maybe it only has been some kind of nightmare, but...why nightmare? She wouldn't ever tell anyone but she would more likely call it a dream. Would she ever be able to tell him about her feelings? Or does he already know because of him reading her mind?
 

-*-Stirring from midnight's inertia-*-
 

I wonder if he even loves me, too... she asked herself. "Yes, I do, and I am not lying there, Integra." She was a bit shocked because of his voice seeming to be very near her ear so he had to be right behind her. Very slowly she turned around and noticed she was right: not even two feet away from her he was now staring into her ice-blue eyes. It took her some time to recover her shock and as soon as she did she yelled "How dare you shock me like that? Why ar... ," she wasn't able to get any further with her anger because of him placing a deep kiss on her lips to seal them.
 

-*-Drunk on red wine, her dead lips on mine.-*-
 

And again: complete shock. After she calmed down again, Integra pushed Alucard away from herself and told him to leave her office. Well, she didn't really "tell" him, she was more like: "If you do not leave this room at once you will suffer a second death in the very, very near future!"
 

~*~*~end-chapter two~*~*
 

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I hope it wasn't too uninteresting, but I had to write something like that, course otherwise the whole story would make no sense.*gomen nasai*

Now, that was like my very, very first "all-on-my-own" chapter! I hope you like it, please write some comments!