Don't get close
"I told you, this was a bad idea, son."
Price watched me, with his casual look. I've never been able to read his mind through his eyes. Kinda tired, but alert, too. But it was always some kind of warmth coming with his look. When I first came here, he made fun of me. A lot. But it disappeared from day to day.
Now he respects me. He trusts me. He treats me like a son. At least sometimes. I remember that look in his eyes, when we were nearly killed on that bridge. Because of that car in his way, he wasn't able to see, what happened to Gaz, but I believe, he just knew and he didn't want to lose me, too.
But that was some time ago. A lot of time ago.
Now I am the one who lost someone. Two, exactly. Ghost and Roach. Just gone. Betrayed and killed by the man I thought I could trust. He just gave me the right direction to find Price. Though he knew -at least I think so- that Price was able to be so fucking rude with his enemies.
Anyway, it was a few days since they got me out of Northern India. I was still at the hospital. Kept dreaming in pain and fever.
When I finally opened my eyes, I watched my hand risen to the ceiling. I was panting and my eyes were burning, like the knife, that hit Shepherd, hit my own.
"You're alright, son. Just calm down. It was only a dream."
I turned my head, to watch into the old man's eyes. This time I was able to see, he was just worried. "What's wrong with you.. ?"
I couldn't find the right words, so, to buy myself some time, I touched my forehead, wiped the sweat away. "I.. I had this dream again... ", I admitted. We had this subject before, but, though I knew, Price was right, I couldn't just let it be.
I heard him sigh and he sat down again, beside the bed. "I told you, this was a bad idea. Never get too close to your mates."
But he was lying to himself. He always got too close on his own. First Gaz, now me.
I turned to look at him again. "Stop that shit. You did the same mistake, twice. Since Gaz is gone, you're watching over me, like ... Like a... The time, you spent to find a medic for me, you could have chase after Makarov. Instead you just flew around half the globe to save my life. So, don't you dare, tell me, not to get close to my mates."
He sighed again, still watched me. "Easy, boy. I know, this might sound senseless to you, but just use your brain for know. It's just because I know, what it feels like to lose someone, who made it into your heart, makes me say things like this. Of course I miss Gaz and I would have missed you. When you came to Credenhill, my first thought was like »Why did they send a kid here?!« But you proofed yourself to me, without me saying something. You earned my respect, boy. And I know, you liked Gaz, too. So why did you do the same mistake with Ghost and Roach again?"
I watched him, feeling my eyelids getting heavy again. "I... I don't know. They just felt like.. brothers to me. Especially Ghost." I turned away from him, watching out of the window to the corridor. "And Roach... He was such a good boy. Loyal, kinda clumsy, but after they got you, I felt like, I needed to take your place and watch over him. Though, he was just a few years younger than me, he acted like he could need someone with more experience to talk to, to look up to, y'know?"
He nodded, resting his hand on my shoulder. "And you avenged them, don't forget that, Soap. There is nothing more, you can do for them, right? Just get back on your feet again, kill Makarov and let them rest in peace. They are watching you now and I guess, they want you to continue with what you did before."
This time, it was me, who nodded.
I swallowed heavily, a scream and tears.
Bloody war wasn't something for people with a big heart, but even those, who thought who could stand it, would break in time.
But this wasn't something that could effect me now. Cause, like Winston Churchill once said »To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.«
Which means, I had to become someone else to finish this fight.
For Price. For Gaz. For Ghost and for Roach!
