Requiem to all of me   von nukaru
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                          Kapitel 3: Easy (englisch)
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You take every hour of your life the way it comes. You don’t expect too much,
never raise your expectations to a level, you could get letdown.
That way you don’t have to experience disappointment, ‘cause it’s out of
question right in the beginning.
This way you can handle your life and to a greater or lesser extent it gets
bearable.
It’s easier that way.

But every once in a while you question yourself, how it would be to actually
expect something from another person, to extract a promise from somebody and get
it fulfilled. What will you feel like? Will you be happy? Will you cry out of
sheer joy? Will it move you to tears?

You don’t know. And you never will know.
Because there’s only one human being, you’d let so deep under your skin to
actually expect something and this being, this person, will never know how you
feel.
It’s easier that way.


When you were a kid, 5 or 6, you actually expected things. Things every normal
child would expect. Like a warm hug, when you did something especially good. You
hoped for encouraging words, when you were down or a kiss on your cheek just
because.
That was a time you actually thought parents love their children
unconditionally, that blood is indeed thicker than water. And because you
expected too much, you were letdown.

You never got that warm hug, or the encouraging words. And the nearest you got
to a kiss on your cheek, was the time, your mom was so wasted she nearly fell on
you and brushed your cheek with her lips. Accidentally.

So in a desperate way of self-protection, you just stopped expecting anything at
all. You never took a promise as certain. They were just words without any
meaning at all.
It's easier that way.

And you get by. Living your life, not expecting there’ll be a tomorrow waiting
just around the corner. Never hoping for anything at all.

It's easier this way.

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