You are Love
There wasn’t much a teenager in Kim Kibum’s age was interested in. Adolescence was all about falling in and out of love for the first time, experiencing the first kiss and having the awkward first sex.
It was all about first times and Kibum wasn’t less eager in finding out about all the little secrets in the world of adults than other people in their teens were.
But being different to his peers didn’t really help in gathering experience. Kibum had already known at a really young age that he was different to all the other boys at school.
At the age of nine he had been interested in art and fashion, while other boys his age had ran through the woods and had played hide and seek.
At the age of twelve he had cut his hair for the first time, being grounded by his mum for the experimental, asymmetrical hairstyle he had worked on the whole night, while other boys his age had started to measure their strength with each other and had come home with scratches and bruises.
At the age of thirteen he had dyed his hair blonde for the first time, being slapped for it by his dad who had left the family a year later to start a new life with a younger woman, while other boys his age started to ogle at girls with growing boobies and short skirts.
At the age of fourteen he had masturbated for the first time, thinking of the lightly clad man in the new Diet Coke commercial that had been on TV, while other boys his age started to share their first sloppy kisses with girls during childish games at stupid birthday parties.
At the age of fifteen he was beaten up for the first time for being different, while other boys his age started to treat other people who weren’t interested in sports or dating girls like shit.
With sixteen, after having gotten beaten up for what had seemed the hundredth time, his mum had decided to move away with him from the countryside to start a new, better life in Seoul.
And soon after Kibum had peacefully settled down at a new school with new, nice classmates and teachers he quickly had found something or rather someone who had confused his hormone balance way more than the Diet Coke guy years back ever had...
Chapter 1
"No chance he’s ever going to take a closer look at you. All he cares about is his stupid guitar. I’m pretty sure he even does strange things with it at night," Jinki mumbled, chewing eagerly on his chicken sandwich while eyeing a young man suspiciously who sat on a chair at the further end of the canteen.
"He gives lessons, doesn’t he? Maybe I should ask him if he can give me some," Kibum considered, tapping his forefinger thoughtfully against his chin.
"I didn’t know you were interested in playing an instrument?"
Jinki frowned, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"I’m not, but I’m interested in him…You get the point?"
Kibum asked with expansive gestures, causing Jinki to frown even more before an understanding, 'O' left his lips.
"That’s actually pretty clever," the taller one admitted before he stuffed the remaining part of his sandwich into his mouth, enjoying the taste of his mum’s delicious, self-made fresh, fried chicken on his tongue.
"Thanks for the flowers." Key rolled his eyes, leaning his head on the palm of his hand and watching the reflection of his midnight fantasies with adoring eyes.
Since Kibum’s first day at a new high school he hung around with Jinki, some super intelligent but clumsy chicken drumstick lover who ranked always first place at the school blackboard and was treated like a misfit by his fellow students who envied him for his excellent grades. Their class teacher had asked Jinki to show Kibum around at school during his first day and the both of them soon got along really well. Maybe it was because opposites attract or because both knew that they were outsiders and it was better for them to have each other than to have no one at all.
Even though they had never really talked about it specifically Jinki knew that Kibum wasn’t interested in girls like boys his age usually were, but for him it didn’t matter if Kibum liked girls or boys or chicken for that matter as long as he was happy. So it wasn’t really surprising for him when Kibum had run up to him one day and had told him that he had might just seen the most beautiful creature on earth, playing guitar in one of their empty music rooms.
His name was Kim Jonghyun, a senior and music lover with gorgeous, big brown eyes and a voice that caused goose bumps on Kibum’s skin. He didn’t really know much about him, just that Jonghyun was in his last year at school and wanted to study music at university after his graduation and that he gave guitar and piano lessons after school. It had become Kibum’s most favourite hobby to sit in front of the music room when Jonghyun was there and listen to his guitar or piano play.
Luckily, he hadn't been caught by the older one yet, because outing himself as his biggest fan and stalker probably wasn’t the best way to approach someone he actually liked.
"Did he get a new haircut? His hair looks slightly shorter than yesterday," Kibum mused with a frown, narrowing his eyes to slits to get a clearer view of the older one.
Jinki sighed and shook his head in an almost merciful looking way. "Oh my, you should better stop looking at him, Kibum, because drool is already dripping down your chin," he joked, getting immediately punched for his comment.
"Look, he is for me what chicken drumsticks are for you…drool-worthy."
"You can’t compare a guy to chicken drumsticks, dude! You don’t know what you’re talking about, Kibum…IT’S CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS! SOMETHING TOTALLY MADE BY HEAVEN…AND THE TASTE IS JUST LIKE THE BEST THING YOU WILL PROBABLY EVER TASTE!" Jinki exaggerated with big hand gestures, eyes wide as plates.
A deep sigh left Kibum’s lips before he turned his head away from Jinki and followed Jonghyun’s every movement with his eyes again.
"It’s Kim Jonghyun we’re talking about, Jinki. Something probably made by heaven and gosh I would chop off a leg if I was able to taste him at least once in my life," he whispered in thoughts, biting his lip when he saw how Jonghyun shook his brown bangs and stood up from his place to leave the canteen with a guitar bag on his back.
"Boy, you seriously need help. Maybe you should stop drooling and act instead. You’re after him since 4 months and he still doesn’t even know that you exist!"
"He doesn’t look like he’s into boys."
"He doesn’t seem to be into girls either…at least I haven’t seen him with a girl yet. Maybe he’s really guitarsexual. But guuuh…that would be so gross." Jinki scrunched his nose in disgust, not seeing the glare Kibum was giving him.
"Sometimes it’s really hard to believe that you’re the person that always ranks first place, you know," Kibum snorted, brushing away some strands of his black hair.
"Then convince me of the contrary. Maybe you really should ask him for lessons. That’s the best and most natural way to get to know him," Jinki shrugged, closing his lunchbox and putting it back into his schoolbag.
"Oh god, I’m probably going to die if I stand in front of him and won’t be able to form a coherent sentence. Please come with me…He’s always at the music room on the third floor after our last class." Kibum tried out his best puppy look, but failed miserably.
"Wow…that really looks creepy and it’s even creepier that you know all this stuff about him, but well…why not. It’s better to help you to get to know him than to suffer under your continuous rambling about him."
For the rest of the day Kibum was lost in his thoughts and not really aware of his surroundings. All he could think of was how he should approach Jonghyun, what he should say and how should he act. Masculine? Feminine? Funny? Serious? Like the boy next door? Like a rebel? He tried to imagine how their first meeting would be, but his fantasies always got out of hand and he ended up thinking of hot interludes on the ground of the music room. Not that he had any experience at all, but to be near Jonghyun had to be hot already.
***
"I can’t do that, Jinki…I…I…I think I’m going to faint if I stand in front of him," Kibum stuttered after he left the chemistry room together with Jinki and grabbed his friend’s school uniform for support.
"Don’t be such a sissy. He’s just a human after all. If Jonghyun really has the same meaning for you as chicken drumsticks have for me…then you should go now, grab him and enjoy his taste as long as possible," Jinki said earnestly and pulled Kibum after him to the third floor.
"I really love how you can always draw a line between your chicken addiction and daily life situations," Kibum mumbled, trying to keep up with Jinki’s huge steps.
"That’s because chicken is almighty, you know."
All too soon both of them found themselves standing in front of the music room on the third floor, trying to regain their posture. Kibum had the feeling he was going to throw up anytime soon. It was one thing to have a crush on someone and admiring them from a save distance, but facing them in person and talking to them was another thing. He had never been in such a situation before, because all the boys at his old school had been Neanderthals to him, so he didn’t really know how to handle the whole situation. The palms of his hands were sweaty, his heart beat increased dangerously and his knees trembled.
Way too early for Kibum’s liking Jinki knocked on the closed door, waiting for someone to open it. The smaller one was already going to protest and swear when the door suddenly opened and Jonghyun appeared behind it. Kibum’s mouth fell automatically silent when those shiny, brown eyes checked him and Jinki with curiosity.
"May I help you?" Jonghyun asked politely and in a tone that made Kibum’s blood boil. When Kibum didn’t answer and didn’t even react when Jinki pushed his elbow into his ribs the taller one took the helm and introduced them.
"Well…yes. I’m Lee Jinki and this is my friend Kim Kibum from class 10. We heard that you’re giving piano and guitar lessons and my friend here is highly interested," Jinki said well-mannered, smiling like a vacuum salesman after a successful completion of a contract. While Jonghyun’s face automatically brightened up after hearing that someone new was interested in taking music lessons, Kibum’s face still seemed baffled and dazzled. The situation was so unreal that Kibum wasn’t even sure if all this was part of a dream or if this was indeed reality.
"Oh, that’s nice to hear. I’m Kim Jonghyun class 12. Nice to meet you two," he bowed slightly before inviting the two of them into the room. Jinki followed him naturally, but Kibum stayed frozen to the ground, not moving a centimetre. When Jinki noticed Kibum's absence, he turned back, swore under his breath and pulled Kibum with him.
"What’s wrong with you, Kibum? Think about what I told you about the chicken. Go, get it, and enjoy it!" he whispered in his friend’s direction, turning around again and sending Jonghyun a sugar sweet smile.
"He’s always a bit…slow," Jinki grinned and patted Kibum’s shoulder who under normal circumstances would have hit him for such a comment, but now he was too mesmerised by the older one that he didn’t pay attention to the things Jinki said.
Jonghyun just smiled back politely, a bit confused by the way Kibum was staring at him. Did he have something on his face? Jonghyun checked his reflection in one of the mirrors hanging on the walls in the room to be sure that everything was okay with the way he looked and nodded to himself when everything seemed in place.
"You can sit down if you want," Jonghyun suggested and pointed at a row of chairs when he saw them standing in the big room, looking a bit misplaced.
He then grabbed one of the chairs for himself, sitting on it the wrong way around and leaning his arms on the backrest.
"Do you like to learn guitar or piano, Kibum?" Jonghyun asked patiently, curious about the odd boy who hadn’t said a word yet. He glanced at the younger one with curious eyes, which made it hard for Kibum to breathe. His eyes were so clear and pure that Kibum almost felt guilty for masturbating every night with Jonghyun’s face in mind.
"Is everything okay with him? He looks kind of sick," Jonghyun asked worriedly, facing Jinki again when Kibum didn’t answer due to lack of words. Jinki laughed awkwardly, regretting the decision to go with Kibum in the first place. Usually, it wasn’t Kibum’s nature to be at a loss of words.
"Well, he had the flu last week and he’s still not completely over it. I really apologise for it. Maybe we should get going again," Jinki lied with a faked, bitter laugh and stood up hastily, grabbing Kibum’s arm in the process.
"Oh okay…well, maybe he should come back when he’s feeling better then? New students are always welcomed," Jonghyun smiled, accompanying the younger ones to the door.
"He will…definitely! I’m really sorry for the disturbance," Jinki said with a bow, supporting Kibum with his left arm.
"Don’t worry. It was nice meeting you."
After waving Jonghyun goodbye Jinki pulled Kibum to the nearest restroom and almost smashed the door close behind them.
"Are you out of your mind, Kibum? What was this all about? I feel like a total fool!" Jinki sighed frustrated, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his forefingers.
"I’m sorry," was the only thing Kibum stuttered before he went to the sink and splashed some water into his face.
"I…oh god, that was so embarrassing," Kibum then whined and clawed his fingers into the sink till his knuckles got white.
"Yes, it was," Jinki nodded in agreement, leaning back against the closed restroom door.
"I have no idea what happened…I had a total blackout. Did he really call me by my name? Oh my god, I think I’m going to die. I won’t be able to face him ever again. I should never come back to school again. I should change schools…oh god, what am I saying…I should drop out of school altogether. I just made a total fool out of myself in front of the hottest guy I have ever seen. What can be worse than this?" Kibum rambled feverishly, watching his own pale reflection in the mirror over the sink.
"You are talking nonsense, dude. It’s not like you dropped your pants in front of the pope or something," the older one said.
"Jinki have you ever been in love? I mean in love with a real person, not with chicken drumsticks," Kibum asked, faced wrinkled in agony.
"Well…no, not really," Jinki scratched the back of his head after thinking about the question for a second. Kibum just sighed at the answer, slumping hopelessly down onto the ground, face buried between his knees.
"Oh Jinki, why is this my life?"
