Like Poison
The Rasmus featuring Anette Olzen - October and April
Gin and Rangiku
She was like April skies,
sunrise in her eyes,
child of light, shining star.
He always thought of her as beauty. Most people would probably do, because without any doubt her appearance was meant to attract. And she was more than aware of that fact considering how often he had silently watched her playing around with other guys, who all too easily fell for her obvious female attributes.
Fire in her heart,
brightest day, melting snow,
breaking through the chill.
October and April.
Still he knew she was something special and therefore he couldn’t care less. It was just her way and he knew she always loved to play. He remembered seeing her for the first time and even than she had already been beautiful in his eyes even so she had been nowhere near where she was today. Her golden locks falling down her slender body, her big questioning eyes, her cute smiles and, of course, her perfectly curved female body as well. After all he, too, was only a man and like any other male he would fall for such a view even if he would never admit it in front of her or anyone else for that matter.
He was like frozen sky
in October night,
darkest cloud, endless storm.
He was a puzzle, a riddle, an enigma. She never really managed to decipher the strange kind of code he seemed to be using all the time. His face was unreadable, always smiling, always successfully hiding, what he was really thinking or feeling. No matter how often she would try he never gave away anything at all.
Raining from his heart,
coldest snow, deepest blue,
tearing down his breathe.
October and April.
Still she loved it. He was not as easy to manipulate as other man, he would never react the way she predicted, instead surprising her with options she never even considered possible. He was a challenge, one, she was longing to pass. He was a mystery she wanted to solve. Strangely enough he didn’t seem to mind. Even though he would just keep up his unfaltering grin unnerving more people than she could count, she never got frightened by it like others did. It was a part of him and if she looked close enough she could pretend to herself that this smile got warmer, when he turned his attention towards her.
Like hate and love.
World's apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
If asked they would both give the exact same answer. None of them would admit any kind of relationship and of course not even any kind of interest in the other. But to those who would take the time to look at them it was a clear lie.
Like light and dark.
World’s apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
They couldn’t possible be any more different. He was unmoved by anything happening, constantly smiling a fake smile and freaking out almost everyone who wasn’t used to deal with him. And he had managed hiding his thoughts to perfection. She was loud, open, saying, what she was thinking even if nobody asked her to.
There was nothing they had in common and yet they got along pretty well…
We were like loaded guns,
sacrificed our lives.
He knew there was no way they could ever be as close as he’d liked them to be. Still he couldn’t resist to give in and play along whenever she wanted him to. He was willing to let her have her way as long as it would last. His time was running short, he knew it would not take long anymore until it was goodbye, but until then he could as well have his fun.
We were like love undone,
craving to entwine.
She felt that something was off. He was rushing forward as if trying to reach an invisible goal in a certain time. She didn’t mind though. If it meant finally getting closer she was ready to accept it. What she couldn’t accept was him getting more and more uncertain. It never showed in his mimic or gestures, but she knew him well enough to hear it in his voice and choice of words. He was too open all of a sudden, too close for his unreachable image. Yes, she was sure he was going to do something regrettable, but she wasn’t sure what to do about it…
Fatal touch,
final thrill,
love was bound to kill.
October and April.
Days went by without them even noticing, much too fast and yet painfully slow at the same time. He knew she was aware of it. She instinctively felt that something was about to happen. Something big that would change their small common world forever. He just didn’t know how much she could guess by herself. Was he letting his thoughts show on face? Could she read him?
If the sad and hurt expression in her eyes on that one final, fatal day was any clue, the answer most definitely was yes. She had seen it coming, she had known he would betray her and yet she hadn’t even seriously tried to stop him. He didn’t know what do think about that insight.
Like hate and love.
World's apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
She couldn’t say it had been surprising. The signs were getting clearer and clearer every time they had met, but she simply had refused to believe he would actually do it. She had waited for that moment, when he would turn around and say something stupid about it all being just one big, bad joke. But he hadn’t. He had looked at her just like he always did, but he didn’t stop, he just kept on disappearing…
Like light and dark.
World's apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
October and April.
He could not stand seeing her like this. He knew he had allowed her to come way too close to him and now that the time had come he silently wished he could go back. Change the past or take her with him. But of course he couldn’t do either. He had to stay silent and watch as her eyes accused him of betrayal and lies he was definitely to blame for. Yes, he knew it was wrong and he knew she wouldn’t like it. It was just this knowledge, that prevented him from really considering to keep a hold on her, so she would be part of it as well. She could have been with him in the end, but he knew bad feelings, remorse and guilt would have taken hold of her almost immediately and he would have to see her suffer. Out of question.
Hate and love.
World's apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
As he was finally out of sight she had to fight hard to not break down. He was really gone. Gone to a place she couldn’t and wouldn’t ever follow him to. She didn’t need to ask why he did it. It was the only thing that was ever easy about him. He was just following his own ideas, incomprehensible and illogical for anyone else. And still she wished, he hadn’t done that to her. Watching him go was the worst she ever had to see.
Light and dark.
World's apart.
This fatal love was like poison right from the start.
October and April.
Out of her world, he knew he could not go on as if nothing had happened. Even unreachably far away he would think of her. Remember the way she would react and speak, remember her smiles, her pouts, everything. That was not really acceptable for he should have been a heartless, uncaring soldier, but, well, as long as nobody knew, he could live with it. As long as nobody knew, he could be what he used to. Not faltering and not falling for a mere woman. No, he would let no one ever find out – after all he was a genius at hiding and pretending.
October and April.
They were as different as they could be, but together they were able to forget. Forget about the facts that weren’t right, forget about what divided them, forget they could be alone. Together they were like one carefully balanced set of scales that didn’t have to care about the rest of the world. Together they could just be happy.
October and April.
Of course they knew it couldn’t last. No such kind of relationship ever could, when they were too different and more or less opposites of one another. Sometimes love is meant to bond two souls together, sometimes it’s meant to just show them, how different they really are. Losing, what they had known finally made both wake up. He would realise just what loyalty and orders really meant, she would learn how few she really knew about him. It were their different views on life that separated them, but still both of them are able to recall the short span of time in which their paths actually were the same and smile at the thought.
Because love not only hurts in the moment it ends. It can become a bittersweet memory changing ones point of view and letting him appreciate past and present at the same time.
And perhaps there is still a chance for the future, after all there’s still this old saying about opposites attracting one another…
Dance with the devil
Breaking Benjamin – Dance with the devil
Orihime and Ulquiorra/Ichigo
Here I stand,
helpless and left for death.
She had never been this afraid of him. Well, actually she couldn’t remember ever being afraid of him at all. So this was new. And scaring. She was unable to understand what was happening, she was unable to see him in this… this creature fighting in front of her, seemingly uncaring and cold, while she was more often than not close enough to reach him, if she would just raise her hand. And suddenly she was more than aware of how close to death she was in a shocking literally sense.
Close your eyes,
so many days go by.
Easy to find what's wrong,
harder to find what's right.
Seeing him like this brought back memories she had tried her best to forget. Unpleasant, irrational memories too closely linked with emotions she never wanted to have and, if she really listened to her heart, feared even now. She knew he was fighting just for her sake, but she was unable to be grateful at that point. All she could think about was how much she wanted him to turn back. Leave behind those frightening, monstrous appearances and techniques and be just what he used to be. She knew it was selfish, but she wanted him to stop no matter what. No, actually she wanted both of them to stop. She couldn’t stand watching two devils fight who were once human. Well almost at least.
I believe in you,
I can show you that
I can see right through
all your empty lies.
The child’s words suddenly echoed in her mind. Words spoken without a second thought with only pure, naïve belief. Perhaps she really needed to believe. The problem was, she didn’t know what to believe in. Being true to her heart meant admitting that she wanted neither of them to loose or win. And she most definitely didn’t want to watch both being hurt and turning into an even more fearsome form and therefore throwing her farther off balance. This couldn’t honestly be, what they really wanted, could it?
I won't stay long
in this world so wrong.
Say goodbye
as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye
as we dance with the devil tonight.
They were at their limits and yet they would not stop pushing further and further. Whenever they would come close enough for her to take a look she had to hurry to close her eyes or turn away. Seeing them as demons - her worst nightmares directly born from hell - was bad enough, but seeing their eyes would mean to loose them. She had seen it once and even that short time had been far too long. Usually their eyes said everything. She knew them well enough, glistering, fiery, determined, warm brown and icy, seemingly indifferent, emotionless green. Like fire and ice. Like light and dark, different but still themselves.
Right now their eyes would be nothing but black. Like dark abysses trying to swallow her, like black holes sucking her in, like… death angels just waiting for her to dare and take a look. Those cold, devilish eyes always made her think they had lost their souls or traded them for nothing but darkness, fear and hatred.
Trembling,
crawling across my skin.
She shivered. It wasn’t even cool up her, but to her it felt like the air itself was frozen. What was she supposed to do? She could not stop them. Interfering would just mean to risk one of them being even more hurt for he would try to protect her. She had seen it already. It hadn’t been the first time he rescued her, but it had been the first time he had thrown himself directly into an enormous and deadly attack she probably would have been able to stop by herself. He had promised to protect her, but he obviously did not realise that for her seeing him suffer was much worse than waiting for her approaching death…
Feeling your cold dead eyes
stealing the life of mine.
She really wanted both of them to live, but of course this wish was childish and stupid. She knew well enough that they were enemies. Deadly enemies. Once started they would not stop until one of them had died. She could see it, it was clearly written in their eyes, as they once again flew by and she was not quick enough to not catch a glimpse. What had happened? What had gone wrong? She had never seen him like this; she had thought that he was different. That he would not kill unless absolutely necessary and she had always loved this trait of him. Especially considering the ongoing fight it had made him human.
I believe in you,
I can show you that
I can see right through
all your empty lies.
No matter how much she tried, in this very moment she was unable to see anything human in him at all. It was paradox and ironic, but right now even his cold-hearted opponent, whose existence itself should go against all laws of nature, seemed more of a human kind. Right now he himself was nothing, but a killing machine in rage. Not thinking, not feeling, only doing, what he was born for. She knew he should have been dead, but right now she was not sure whether she preferred him to live like this or be gone forever…
I won't last long
in this world so wrong.
Say goodbye
as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye
as we dance with the devil tonight.
They kept on increasing their speed and her eyes kept on loosing track. The impossible pace they were using was overtaxing her, especially in her current state of mind. But she did not need to see every single blow to know exactly that they were racing towards an end, that one of them was only seconds away from his inevitable death. She felt tears running down her cheeks, but she didn’t have enough strength left to scream.
Hold on, hold on.
Fatal wounds. Spilling dark blood. Pain visible to those who knew where to look. Devastating explosions. One after the other. No time left to think. No time left to even realise what was going on. A scream. Wild. Inhuman. Horrible. Piercing merciless through her ears. Too much, too much, too much!! She fell to her knees, could not believe what her eyes told her. Could not believe it was real. Could not believe it was all her fault.
Say goodbye,
as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye,
as we dance with the devil tonight.
Finally, finally he would come back to normal, see for himself, what he had done, feel her fear, her pain, hear her unspoken words. It was obvious he could not remember. Could not understand and was as shocked as she was, but no matter whether he had done it consciously or not, he had done it. It was over. Too late. She knew even her own powers would never be able to prevent the aftermath that was still coming closer. Her gaze shifted and in the very moment that their eyes met she knew he was dying. Well, perhaps not really dying, considering he was, in a way, already dead, no, even worse, he was simply disappearing right in front of her. Again she felt the urge to scream.
Hold on, hold on.
The hint of a smile ghosted across his face for the shortest of moments, too quickly gone for her to be sure whether it had really been there at all. And he spoke. Just one question that was supposed to be his last words… ever. “Do you fear me?” She almost cried. She did not need to think about it. Her answer came immediately and despite everything that had happened to this point he seemed surprised. She wanted to stop him, wanted him to stay, but just as she raised her hand and tried to reach him, he vanished…
Goodbye.
She froze. Again tears were forming in her eyes, but this time she did not mind. She let them run down her face. She did not mind the sobs that escaped her lips, she did not mind being weak in this moment. She had one person she used to know back, but at the same time she had been unable to safe another. It was hardly fair - winning and loosing simultaneously. It felt even worse than before. And she knew none of them would ever understand. Sometimes she cursed her heart for being hurt so easily. She should have been stronger, she had sworn herself never to be the weakest part of the chain again and here she stood, crying for a person who had been her deadliest enemy, crying for a friend who had hardly survived what she had burdened upon him, crying for a fate that had been and would always be unfair, crying in a vain attempt to forget her own living hell, while being completely aware of the fact that she had watched her devil and her angel die…
Until the end
Breaking Benjamin – Until the end
Rukia and Ichigo
So clever.
Whatever.
I'm done with these endeavours.
She had known all along it could not last forever. She had known that someday someone would come to her and ask for justification. She had none. Up until today she could not even explain why she had done it, why she had given her own strength to a mere human in a desolate attempt to let him save his family where she had failed to.
Alone I walk the winding way.
(Here I stay.)
Of course she had not expected them to come, but, well perhaps it was not as surprising after all. Whoever had chosen them, had known that she would not even think about any resistance if those two came to get her. She was not sure what she would have done if it had been someone else. She never really thought about that very moment. Her heart had told her, she had done the right thing and all she needed to do now was waiting. What for she did not know and did not care.
It's over.
No longer
I feel it growing stronger.
She regretted it. Not giving him her powers, but loading this burden upon his shoulders. Sooner or later he would have to suffer because she had acted against the oldest of laws. Even worse he would probably have to be punished because of her. Perhaps it was a good thing after all that she no longer would be around to cause him even more trouble. With her gone perhaps they would forget about him…
I live to die another day.
Until I fade away.
Death was nothing she had ever feared. Although most death gods ironically were more than afraid to die, she had lived with the thought of never waking up again most of her live and had long ago come to accept it. Denying it would be just plain stupid and she knew she was as mortal as anyone else. What she did fear so, was waiting. Death penalty was only a question of time once she was back, but she knew the time until her execution would be hard. She would be alone with all her doubts and regrets.
Why give up?
Why give in?
It's not enough.
It never is.
So I will go on until the end.
He would not agree. He just could not. He did not understand, why she would give away her life willingly. Why she would not even fight against it. And, worst of all, why she told him to forget what had happened. Sure it hadn’t really been easy and it most definitely had changed his life forever, but he had long since come to terms with it and if asked he would answer without a second thought or a second of hesitation: He was glad and grateful for what she had done and if he could go back in time he would make the exact same choices again.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough.
It never is.
But I will go on until the end.
It was out of question to grant her the final wish. He could and would not live knowing she was going to be executed because she had helped him. Because she hat given him the strength to protect his family, friends and everybody else. Did she honestly think he would be able to just forget and go on as if nothing had ever happened? Even if there had been no way to restore his powers he still would have followed her. She had become his friend, perhaps even more than that, and he was most definitely not giving up on her. He would save her or die trying.
Surround me.
It's easy.
To fall apart completely.
I feel you creeping up again.
(In my head.)
It was strange. She had feared to be left alone. To look forward to the day she knew would be her last. She had feared all the questions and doubts that would claim their way into her thoughts once there was nothing but silence to distract her. But they never came. A low, silent voice started telling her she had messed up. Not only her own life, but his as well. That was all. She knew she had to live her last days with this knowledge for there was nothing she could do about it now.
It's over.
No longer.
I feel it growing colder.
Deep in her heart it hurt her. She never had intended to cause him any problems, but knowing that he would be able to live helped her dulling the voice to a mere whisper. She had nothing left to worry about, her failure had been corrected, her part in this whole story would end soon. No worry, no fear, no feelings at all. In fact she had become calmer than she had been her whole life. She had already disappointed anyone who could have been expected anything from her, there was nothing left she could fail at.
I knew this day would come to end.
So let this life begin.
Perhaps it was really the best way to say goodbye. It would not take long for people to forget her and she could die with the knowledge of those few people she actually cared for being safe. After all she was nothing more than a traitor now and as such she deserved no tears.
Why give up?
Why give in?
It's not enough.
It never is.
So I will go on until the end.
Surely he had not actually thought that he would come this close to death before he was even able to follow her into this unknown, foreign world she came from. Still he kept on picturing her death in his mind to keep him going. It was a lot easier to have a goal in front of his eyes and again he had to thank her in a way for he was absolutely certain that he would not have been able to master this horrible exercise without something to look forward to. In these few days he was close enough to insanity more than once, but he knew he could not allow it just yet. Not before it was over and before she was safe again.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough.
It never is.
But I will go on until the end.
He never was much of a strategist and therefore his plan had been simple and straight forward: Go in, fight your way through, get her, get out. It hat sounded simple enough for him, but little had he known what would await him on the other side of this large, strange, somehow mysterious gate. But he did not care. No matter who or what would stand in his way, he was determined to let nothing stop him. Even as he started to learn more about this world she used to live in, he never stopped, never even slowed down. Not as they had to fight, not as they got separated, not as he was badly injured and his blood speckled the floor and not even as he more than once nearly died.
I've lost my way.
I've lost my way.
But I will go on until the end.
She felt him coming. She could not really explain how for she should not have been able to feel anything at all, isolated as she was. Yet she was absolutely positive it was him. First she was angry and disappointed. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to come? To come and put himself in much more danger than - knowing him – he was even aware of. To come and ruin the whole scene she had played to keep him safe. To come and make her solid determination crumble?!
Living is
hard enough
without you fucking up.
She almost instantly felt herself doubting. Needless to say she did not like it. She had been so sure, so firm in her decisions and now he was breaking her thoroughly built picture of how this story would end. Why? Why did he have to destroy everything and make her last days even more painful?!
Did he even know, that it was much harder to accept death with him being close? With being unsure, whether he was safe? She could not die without regret, if she didn’t know he was well. She could not die without any wishes, if he was near. With him this close she wanted to live!
Why give up?
Why give in?
It's not enough.
It never is.
So I will go on until the end.
She knew it was too late the moment she felt a burst of energy outside that just had to be him. In her fears he lay dead on the ground, bleeding, broken, because she had been unable to protect his family alone, because she had let him watch her being taken back. Because she had let it happen. At the inside she was screaming. As loud and as high as she could. She just wanted it to stop, she wanted him to forget her, she wanted to turn back time, she wanted to die at once to forget all. these hurting thoughts. She wanted to do anything. Anything. But all she could do was wait.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough.
It never is.
But I will go on until the end.
Wait and suffer even more. She did not mind too much, it was legal punishment for what she had done. She just did not want him to suffer as well. He was human. He was not supposed to be here unless he had died. He was not even supposed to know this world even existed. But, well with him it seemed to be always going anything but normal. He was different than any other guy she had met before – and she knew quite a few.
I've lost my way.
I've lost my way.
But I will go on until the end.
It was ironical. Was she really falling for a little boy? A little human boy? Realistically he was nothing more in her eyes. She was old enough to be his grandmother and yet… she felt a lot younger, back in her own teen age and far from grown-up if he was around. She never had been good at acting mature, but with him she felt no need to at all. Quite the opposite actually. It would be all wrong and she had to admit she… liked it. He would not judge her for her politeness or skills, no, if he judged her at all, it was only because she was or was not true to herself… Stupid, idealistic human…
The final fight I'll win.
He knew his time was running short, but, unlike most humans, the closer her death came, the more determined he became. Every single fight he had to win only made him more confident.
The final fight I'll win.
His presence disappeared shortly before her time had come. She let a single tear run down her cheeks. It was no use, she had known all along it would end like this. It had been destined the moment they met and there was no way to ever escape fate.
The final fight I'll win.
She kept her unfazed façade until the very end. She did not even blink or flinch as the fiery beast started the last countdown. Goodbye, may you have a better life in this world than I had...
I will go on until the end.
The final blow never came. Instead she was granted with the sight of his grinning face. Unharmed, certain as always and in front of this giant attack that should have killed her. She needed a moment to realize just what was going on and as she did, her heart missed a beat. He was alive. He did come to her rescue again. He was well, smiling so softly and looking directly into her eyes. And all of a sudden she felt safe and warm.
Living a nightmare
Three Days Grace – Time of Dying
Rukia and Renji
On the ground I lay,
motionless in pain,
I can see my life flashing before my eyes.
He was at the verge of dying and he was well aware of it. It surely was not the first time to think he would die, but strangely enough, it felt different. Before he had always known it would be fast and hopefully painless. Waiting for a monster to cut off his head was way easier to endure than lying here. He knew he had lost a lot of blood, even if he did not have enough strength left to move his head and make sure, he was certain that in fact most of his life was flowing out of him and that the floor around him was probably more than a bit ruined.
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream?
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare.
He felt endlessly tired. Even more than after going through one or two sleepless nights. It all seemed to be nothing more than one really bad dream. He had thought he was ready. He had thought he could do it. He had thought they would be on equal standings and in the end it had not even been a real match. Just a slaughter. How pathetic he had become…
His eyes kept on shutting against his will and he realised in shock that this time really had been too much. Too much for him to handle. Too much for his body, too much for his soul. This time there was no luck involved, this time he really would die.
I will not die! (I will not die!)
I will survive!
He fought death. With every little bit of believe and hope he tried to stop it. He was not ready to die, not yet. Not until he had made sure she was safe. Not until he had been able to stop this insanity that threatened her life. Not until… he had finally managed to tell her what he really thought of her. Not before she knew…
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying.
His eyes flung open with a sudden movement. He still could not move and he was still bleeding, but he was determined to not let it end like this. He could do nothing, but stay alive, but if that was what she needed him to do, than he would do it, no matter what. It was not like him to give up, especially not with her involved. He ignored that soft voice in his head telling him to just be a man and admit defeat as best as he could and stared blank eyed at the sky above him. How he wished to be with her right now. He would give what was left of his life at once to see her one last time.
On this bed I lay,
losing everything.
I can see my life passing me by.
She was barely aware of what was going on outside and still she felt him die. He was not dead yet, but it was just a matter of time. Unconsciously a single tear left her eyes and she felt herself already deeply mourning. He was not supposed to die. Since a long time ago he had been a constant in his life. A factor she had come to depend and count on, regardless of what she did and what had been happening. She had thought of him as much more than just a good friend, but she had never been able to tell him. She simply did not what to destroy the carefully built bond they shared. It was the first and still most precious one she had and she was not willing to risk it.
Was it all too much?
Or just not enough?
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare.
Now she started regretting. Perhaps she should have told him much sooner. Either it would have ended everything or even made them come closer. Both ways she would not have had to lay here and grief about something she could have done easily more times than she could count and could not do anymore. She longed to run outside, to find him, to lay down next to him and tell him, what she was still unable to put into words.
I will not die! (I will not die!)
I will survive!
She did not want to let go. She could not let go. His face flashed into her thoughts and brought back memories she had thought long forgotten. She had known she would die soon, but she had thought he would be fine. Just the other day he had been joking about her death sentence and now he would be gone even before her. It was so ironic. She did not want him to die. She did not want to die herself. She just wanted to be with him again.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
His vision grew darker and he had trouble keeping his eyes open. He wanted to apologize, badly, but it was far too late for that. All he could hope for was that strange human boy now. He hat seemed determined enough, perhaps he would be able to prevent her from death. It was a weak hope, but seeing as he hardly had any other left, all he could do was put his faith in this most unreliable source. He really had failed…
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
I feel alive, when you're beside me.
I will not die, I'll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
She felt his life growing weaker and weaker by each second. He would not make it, she was sure, he would die today in a few minutes without ever seeing her again. She wished for one of his bad jokes now. She wished to see his smile one last time, this slightly idiotically grin of his, she wished to hear his loud, amused voice, to feel his warmth… she wished to stay in his arms forever and yet she would not be granted even one second.
I will not die, I’ll wait here for you.
I will not die, when you’re beside me.
I will not die, I’ll wait here for you.
In my time of dying.
Both of them knew it was over. They thought their lives would at least end at the same time and, unknown to the other, they found a little relief in this fact. At the end none of their lives were taken that day and both of them kept on acting as if nothing ever happened, unable to voice their thoughts correctly. Yet things were in fact a little different, because now they knew. There was no doubt left and no uncertainty anymore, it was just a question of time until one would finally take the chance to say it aloud. Until then… well, until then they just enjoyed being alive and being together again, after all, for a start that wasn’t too bad, either.
Hopeless
The Rasmus – Not like the other girls
Orihime and Uryuu
No more blame I am destined to keep you sane.
Gotta rescue the flame.
Gotta rescue the flame in your heart.
He could not stand seeing her like this. She was torn in the inside, it was more than obvious. Whatever she had had to see in the past few days (or hours?) it had clearly been too much for her and he wished deeply he could do anything to make her stop looking so scared and hurt, while he knew that he most likely would be unable to do anything. She was crying inside. She was probably screaming as well, but she was in no place he could reach her at.
No more blood, I will be there for you my love.
I will stand by your side.
The world has forsaken my girl.
It had been just a few days since he last saw her and yet she was completely different. The gentleman in him had always hated seeing woman suffer and he himself was convinced she should have stayed away. She was not really the type to go into battle, she was much too sensitive for that, but he would have been the last to tell her not to go for he knew it would have made her feel even more miserable. All he could try to do was keep her save and judging their recent situation he had to admit he clearly failed at that.
I should have seen it would be this way.
I should have known from the start what she's up to.
When you've loved and you've lost someone
you know what it feels like to loose.
He had known her quite a while by now - inevitable with them being in the same grade and sharing an interest, but most of the time she could have been anyone. A random girl in his class, nothing he would really care for. Sure, he had noticed her, she was loud, always cheery, always smiling, laughing and, in fact, really nice, but nothing special. At least that was, what he thought of her before their journey. It had been purely coincidental for them to end up together in an unknown world and he did not believe in fate, but this experience had changed his view on her forever.
She's fading away.
Away from this world.
Drifting like a feather.
She's not like the other girls.
He all too clearly remembered that time. He had vowed from the very first moment to protect her. Although even at that time he had thought she did not belong there, he knew she was determined to do her part. It had not taken long for her to completely surprise him. She had never minded his reactions, she had rather shown than told him that she was strong for herself, perhaps even stronger than she was really aware of. She had not seemed bothered with the situation and being an eternal optimist she had always wanted to go on and believe in everyone he could not bring himself to trust yet.
She lives in the clouds
and talks to the birds.
Hopeless little one.
She’s not like the other girls I know.
Sometimes she had seemed a bit out of her mind. He still felt strange at the thought of the very moment she had forgotten he was male and had started changing directly in front of him telling him she had thought he was her best friend. In a way it adulated him knowing that she felt this close after such a short time, but on the other hand he was slightly sad about it. She was not seeing him as the young man he was. Not really. She was seeing him as a friend and perhaps even that was more than he would be able to voice aloud about his view on her, but still it did not feel right. Somehow, strangely enough he felt… disappointed.
No more shame, she has felt too much pain, in her life,
in her mind she’s repeating the words:
All the love you put out will return to you.
Back then she had pretended to be the happiest person ever, but he knew she was just wearing a mask. Not all the way, sure, she was optimistic and good-natured, but she had felt pain, she was worried and she was afraid like anyone else. She just did not want anybody to know and it was this insight that made him wonder, who she really was. It did not take him too long to find out, tough. She did want to help, yet felt weak. He understood. She was no fighter, but she soon turned out to be a great aid. Her shielding and healing abilities were far beyond anything he could have imagined. In fact he doubted they would have been able to come out alive of everything without her. She seemed to not realize.
I should have seen it would be this way.
I should have known from the start what she’s up to.
When you’ve loved and you’ve lost someone close to you
you know what it feels like to loose.
On the news of her kidnapping he immediately and without a second thought decided to go after her. Something he probably would not have done a few weeks ago. She felt like a part of his life by now and he would do anything to prevent her from even more pain and fear. She had felt more than enough of that already and he was not going to let her disappear just like that. He was not willing to loose this new feeling of belonging. Of friendship and perhaps… perhaps even more.
She's fading away.
Away from this world.
Drifting like a feather.
She's not like the other girls.
Upon finding her, he felt a wash of relieve swap through his body. She was alive. She had no physically wounds. Although he felt at once that something was off at least she had not been killed – well, not yet, but he was not going to let that happen. He knew it would be to no avail to ask her what was wrong – she would not answer him openly anyway … would she?
She lives in the clouds
and talks to the birds.
Hopeless little one.
She’s not like the other girls I know.
Her gaze constantly aimed skywards and with a silent sigh he had to admit to himself that she was far too concerned about what was happening right now. She would not listen to anything he had to say and he himself thought this hardly the right opportunity to talk. She looked at him and he did not need to hear her words to know what she would ask of him.
She's fading away.
Away from this world.
Drifting like a feather.
She's not like the other girls.
Her pleading eyes. Her almost desperate voice. Her insufficiently hidden sobs and tears left him no choice. He wanted her to stop. Right now. And the only possible way was to grant her wish although it would bring her closer to deathly danger again. She smiled a sad smile as he started their journey upwards. For a split second he thought he saw something else in her mimic. A relieved look accompanied by what seemed to him like a hushed wish to get closer, to… lean against him? But she restrained herself. Did she think it was improper (which it actually was) or did she simply not dare to?
She lives in the clouds
and talks to the birds.
Hopeless little one.
She's not like the other girls I know.
In the end it was much worse than everything he could have imagined. Blood, fight, cruelty to no end. Fear, hate, worry in her eyes. It was one of the worst things he had ever seen. Such animalistic wildness was unbearable to see on someone he considered a friend. And it hurt her even more. Unacceptable.
The longer the fight proceeded, the clearer one fact became: If they would live through this he most definitely would have to talk to her. About what had happened to her. About their friendship. About her attitude towards the world. And, most of all, about her questionable choices of where she wanted to be while others were fighting…
I want you to know
Simple Plan – Save you
Momo and Toshirou
Take a breath.
I pull myself together.
It was one of the hardest ways he ever had to go. Not because he feared for what might happen, not because he was afraid to die or loose his face, not because he did not want to see he. No, quite the opposite actually. He badly wanted to see her, but he was not really sure, if he could take, what might await him.
Just another step until I reach the door.
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you.
Outside the door he paused for a moment. No one had told him what kind of condition she really was in. Her body would live, that much they had said, but how her mind would be able to handle what had happened nobody knew. He had always thought that she was much to attached to this crazy person, but seeing what that bastard had done to her she could as well have lost her mind. And he knew that was something that he would not be able to bear.
I wish that I could tell you something
and take it all away.
Opening the room, he went inside and – thankfully – she was asleep. Relief flooded through him, he was not sure, whether he would have been able to handle a conversation just yet. He did not want her to wake up and hearing the only words that would probably come out of his mouth: I told you he was a bad influence… She did not deserve that much pain at once.
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there's so many things that
I want you to know.
In moments like this he wished they had been different. He wished that they could both be someone else and live a quiet, boring life, far away from war, fighting and the pain that came with having to deal with emotions. Or perhaps the bonds they shared with others? He still wondered what exactly had brought her on that hidden path she had been following and if it had not been too late to drag her off it again.
I won't give up until it's over.
If it takes you forever
I want you to know.
Either way it would most likely be a long and hard way she had to go now. It was never easy to see your whole, carefully built image of hope, belief and deeply rooted respect be smashed to pieces. If she had realized it at all, that was. He would not be too surprised, if she would wake up and not remember anything at all. Perhaps she would deny it, perhaps she would cry and break down, perhaps she would scream and perhaps… perhaps she would not be there any more. Not really.
When I hear your voice
it's drowning into whispers.
You're just skin and bones
There's nothing left to take.
He prayed to no one in particular for her to come back. While the healers could do a lot to help her body recover, there was nothing they could do for her mind and he knew well enough that mental scars would never go away again. She had trusted and loved someone who not only used, but betrayed and almost killed her and nobody would be able to live through something like that and remain unchanged. He really hoped she would not give in to insanity.
No matter what I do I can't make you feel better.
If only I could find the answer
to help me understand.
He left without looking back. He did not dare to. Too great the odds, that he would shake her until she woke up and he could scream at her to forget everything and be her old self again. The one he had lost long ago at the fateful day when she had first met that guy who she adored more than anyone. He did not even know for sure when that day had been or what happened, but he knew that it had changed her permanently – and not in a positive way.
Sometimes I wish I could save you.
And there's so many things that
I want you to know.
Up until today he kept wondering what he could have done to prevent those acts. If he could have done anything. He had expected a betrayal, but obviously he had suspected the wrong person, well sort of. Perhaps she should have never become a death god, perhaps it would have been a lot easier, if none of them had. Fighting caused decisions, decisions caused worries, worries caused pain and pain caused weakness in the heart. And, after all, there was nothing more open to attacks than a hurting heart.
I won’t give up until it’s over.
If it takes you forever
I want you to know.
He left her in the hands of healers he trusted and tried to go on as if nothing happened. Needless to say the attempt was rather fruitless since more or less anyone seemed to notice the detours his thoughts would take now and then. No one ever asked him about her, but he could read it too clearly in his eyes. They felt that he was still trying to understand.
That
if you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground.
He vowed to himself that, should she wake up to be herself, he would immediately see her suspended and then resign, so they would be able to turn back time a little.
If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through.
If she woke up and did not remember at all, he would sent her to go for convalescent care for at least the next three hundred years. He himself would accompany her the whole time to make sure she really did not remember and fall back into depression.
Tell me you won't give up 'cause I'll be waiting if you fall.
If she woke up and was nothing but a shell without a soul to match he… did not really know what he would do. He prayed for this never to happen. As long as she was fighting for her sanity he would fight for her, but if she gave up… what was he supposed to fight for?
You know I’ll be there for you.
If only I could find the answer
to take it all away.
He wished he could have told her that he would always be there, if she needed him, if she needed help or just someone to listen to her. He wished he could be the one to make her happy and let her forget what she did not need to remember.
Sometimes I wish I could save you.
And there's so many things that
I want you to know.
Seeing her again some weeks later, even if it was just trough a big, scary looking monitor was a relief and a shock at the same time. She was awake. She obviously had healed and not lost her mind. She seemed shy, ashamed and yet she spoke to him almost in the same way she used to. For a few precious heartbeats it seemed she was still the same.
I won’t give up until it’s over.
If it takes you forever
I want you to know.
Then her fanatic, unrealistic side broke through again and he was close to a shock once more. He should have expected it to happen and yet he had allowed himself to dwell on the illusion that she was fine. On the inside he smiled a sad and slightly ironic smile. It would have been too good to be true.
I wish I could save you.
I want you to know
I wish I could save you.
Still he did not regret seeing her again. His hope of her recovery had started to grow weaker while time past. This short moment he had experienced just now had been enough to gain back the belief he had started to loose. She would recover, she would heal and perhaps she would even be able to smile a honest smile again some day. He could wait for her. As long as he knew that she would eventually be herself again, he could wait however long it would take her and when she was ready he would finally be ready to tell her for sure.
For a fortune queen
30 seconds to mars – From yesterday
Yoruichi and Kisuke
He's a stranger to some
and a vision to none.
He liked to tell himself that he was far away from anyone who might have known him. That no one would find him and that he had broken up all bonds that might still connect him with what lay behind him. Of course there were very few people who had joined him in this new way of life, but they symbolized nothing he had left behind. They were his friends, his family in a way. And yet he knew it was a lie. There was one part of his past he could and would not leave behind.
He can never get enough,
get enough of the world.
If asked he would deny it. If questioned long enough he would perhaps admit some kind of friendship but nothing more. He wanted to stay unreadable, to keep his never changing image and his slightly mysterious face. Someday someone might find out but up until today no one had ever managed to read his thoughts. Well she had, at least a little, but she was his secret and he was pretty sure she would not be able to see his view on her.
For a fortune queen.
She was unreachable. She always had been. He was pretty sure she deserved much more than he had ever been, even before he became an outlaw. She was born higher than his ranks would ever rise and he himself did not want her to lower herself that far. It would always be a dream for him, never to be fulfilled but constantly remembering him why he liked his life. Dreaming wasn’t that bad after all and as long as one could dream and hope he could go on and be happy in his own way.
But it's hard to amend
how it ends and begins.
Still there were times, when he wished he could have changed it. He was not sure, how though. What could possible have altered their fate? Would it have been different, if he had not run away to hide in the real world? Would it have been different, if he had told her, what he was feeling? Would it have been different, if she had agreed to go out with him? Would it make any difference, if he asked her now?
On his face is a map of the world.
(A map of the world.)
She always loved how easy he was to read. All those people who kept on saying he was unknowable and enigmatic just could not understand. It was obviously. She only had to take a look into his eyes and it was as clear as it could be.
On his face is a map of the world.
(A map of the world.)
Perhaps that was the reason why they never really needed to talk in a battle. Just one glance at the most was enough and they would act perfectly synchronized. He was a far better warrior than he usually would let show, she knew that. And yet, sometimes she wondered, why he bothered hiding. He could be so much more, if he would just try, if others were able to see inside of him like she was…
From yesterday, it's coming!
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls him,
but he doesn't want to write the message yet.
She tried to call him more than once. She tried to make him understand that there was still a future for him if he would allow her into his world and let her help him. But he refused. Smiling, grinning, unfazed he would tell her in his own way that he long ago abandoned any wish to go back. That he liked were he was now and how his life had turned out. And she would see in his eyes that it was only halfway true.
On a mountain he sits, not of gold but of hit,
through the blood he can learn, see the life that it turn.
He had taken the place of a spectator. He did not really segregate himself completely from responsibility, but he preferred to go by his own rules. He still did want to help, to protect and he kept himself well-informed. Yet, even if offered, he never would go back to his former rank. It had not been his way and it never would – especially for it would not bring him any nearer to where he would like to be.
From council of one
he'll decide when he's done with the innocent.
He schemed his steps carefully, all the time aware of the fact that, in his own world, he would have been imprisoned for such actions. She knew what he was doing. Even if he never really told her, he was sure, she knew him all too well. And she did not object. She understood why he would act the way he did and that he in fact wanted to help and not destroy. He loved her even more for it, but still could not bring himself to really tell her.
On his face is a map of the world.
(A map of the world.)
Sometimes she wondered, what exactly he was feeling when he knew he was hurting people to actually save them. She would have been unable to do it. In a way she was leaving the cruel decisions to him. In a way she was using him and she felt sorry for it. He did nothing to deserve such a fate. She would have liked him to be angry with her, to tell her she should stop coming to him, whenever she was unable to do something herself, but of course he never would.
On his face is a map of the world.
(A map of the world.)
He rather seemed to enjoy her visits and, being true to herself, she did, too. Well, as long as she did not have to bring some kind of bad news that is. He was one of the best companies she could wish for and if her way of life had allowed it, she would have stayed. She could easily picture a life with him, away from what had bound them in the past, away from ranks and lines drawn by nothing but birth and blood. Useless, unfitting lines she always hated.
From yesterday, it's coming!
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls him,
but he doesn't want to write the message.
He had been one of those few people who had seen her as the person she was not as a heir to one of the most noble families. She was glad of that. She too well remembered the stiff, formal behaviour of other heirs. Too stiff, too formal, too… distant and cool. She had loved to play around with them, thinking they at least would be able to act as equals, but even then she had been disappointed. She was sick of nobility.
But he doesn't want to write the message.
But he doesn't want to write the message.
Buried deep in her consciousness was a wish to forget. It had been the trigger for her to abandon her world and run away. Originally she had intended to really severe every single bond to this life. It had hurt, even more as there were some people she honestly did not want to hurt nor forget. They were few, but close to her. He had been the only one she could not bring herself to say goodbye to.
But he doesn't want to write the message yet.
On his face is a map of the world.
Equally deep hidden, but still rather vague was another wish. She wanted him to ask her to stay. Stay as long as they would live. Stay and be just who they were without prejudices, laws, rules or limitations. She often wondered, whether he felt the same way. It was the one thing about him she was never sure of.
From yesterday, it's coming!
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls him,
but he doesn't want to write the message yet.
In his dreams he saw her dancing, laughing, smiling just for him and no matter how much he fought it, slowly another picture, another hope was painted in his mind. She had left behind their world as well. She was not quite an outlaw like he was, but she was some kind of refugee, of deserter. Perhaps there really was a chance for them…?
From yesterday,
from yesterday,
from yesterday, the fear.
Painful disasters and dangerous developments forced them to forget about their feelings and wishes for some time. An upcoming war was hardly the right moment to speak about dreams of a peaceful future and therefore both had to concentrate on preventing the unspoken to happen.
From yesterday,
from yesterday,
but he doesn't want to write the message yet.
Still, they had time. They would not die after a short human life and someday, somehow the war would find an end. It always did. And they had lived through bad enough happenings, their chances of surviving weren’t that bad. After all, the constant fighting did have its good aspects as both started working closer together again. Fighting back to back was something they had not done a long time and it felt strangely familiar and right. Secretly they would smile. After this whole affair their chance would come. And this time they would do it properly and not look back.
